Irish Savant – Oct 9, 2021

Well we all got that wrong. At least those of us who thought little Greta was a shoo-in for the Nobel Peace Prize. Instead it went to a couple of non-Western ‘journalists’ for their fight against media censorship. Got to love that famous Norwegian sense of humour. Not a peep about Julian Assange or Edward Snowden. In any event the process for awarding of Nobel Prizes is beyond bizarre, both in terms of who wins and who loses. Like Bob Dylan getting the Nobel Prize For Literature. His winning it for music would be a major stretch. But literature? Especially when literary greats such as Marcel Proust and Graham Greene never got the nod? To try and understand why I undertook a comprehensive analysis of Dylan’s lyrics and by Jove I think I’ve cracked it. The following in my opinion tipped the Committee’s hand in Dylan’s favour:

Wiggle to the front, wiggle to the rear
Wiggle ’til you wiggle right out of here
Wiggle ’til it opens, wiggle ’til it shuts
Wiggle ’til it bites, wiggle ’til it cuts

For that alone he’d get my vote. What Greene and Proust, or indeed other notable ‘failures’ such as Borges, Ibsen, Tolstoy or Checkov would have thought is another matter.

But the Nobel Peace Prize takes the biscuit in that its one prerequisite seems to be an unbroken record of war-making and fomenting ethnic hate.


Ellie Wiesel: “For his tireless efforts in making up lies about his WW 2 experiences and passing them off as fact plus his endless stoking of anti-German hatred – “never forget, never forgive”. A true man of peace and reconciliation.”

Yitzhak Shamir. Click to enlarge

Menachim Begin: “A peace-maker for his role in bringing peace to the hitherto noisy and disordered village of Deir Yassin by killing everyone in it and dumping their bodies down a well.”

Barak Obama: “For being black but also for his decisiveness in bombing Libya back to the Stone Age and pioneering the use of drones to blow up wedding parties. And for having to live with Big Mike.”

Yasser Arafat: “For his tireless efforts in starting civil wars in Lebanon and Jordan, hijacking planes, deploying suicide bombers, murdering internal rivals and looting the PLA treasury for his own benefit. A worthy Peace Prize recipient”

Henry Kissinger: “For his contribution to peace by demonstrating that a major power can bomb a Third World country into near oblivion and still lose the war and for his pioneering use of children’s blood to prolong life.”

And now, believe it or not, sources within the Committee reveal that posthumous awards are being considered for the Boston Strangler and Pol Pot. Meanwhile they have to be satisfied with the latest recipient, Ethiopia’s Abiy Ahmed “for his efforts to achieve peace and international cooperation, and in particular for his decisive initiative to resolve the border conflict with neighbouring Eritrea.” In fact all he did was broker a temporary ceasefire with TPFL rebels, a ceasefire which quickly broke down after Ahmed, in the finest traditions of Nobel Peace laureates, embarked on a genocidal military campaign leading to such a level of slaughter, destruction and starvation that one local charity worker described the region as “literally a hell on earth”.

So heckuva job guys and gals of the Nobel Committee. Meanwhile a small fat man in North Korea is standing by for your call.