It\u2019s midnight on Friday at the Tuxedo Princess Nightclub in Newcastle and the atmosphere is electric with desire. The dance floor is a heaving mass of bodies gyrating, kissing and groping to the pounding beat. <\/p>\n
Cocktail-fuelled young women flit and flirt from man to man, eyes locking, hands feeling as they size up potential mates. Janine, 27, a sales worker from Darlington, Co Durham, makes her choice and they indulge in some serious snogging by the fruit machine. It\u2019s not long before he leads her to a cubicle in the ladies\u2019 toilets where they have sex. Minutes later they part; she doesn\u2019t even know his full name. <\/p>\n
This is the power of love that Cosmopolitan magazine, the sex bible for the independent women, has made famous. It has promoted a go-get-it-girl approach to sex, trumpeting a woman\u2019s right to choose when, where and how often. <\/p>\n
As the magazine found when it recently sent a writer to Newcastle and other clubbing hotspots, it\u2019s a message that\u2019s been taken if not to heart, at least to certain parts of the anatomy. In many clubs the brief bonking encounter is the order of the night. <\/p>\n
From teenagers to twenty-somethings and up, young women regularly wake up in a strange man\u2019s bed on a Saturday morning with a hangover, wondering what happened. <\/p>\n
But to Cosmo it\u2019s now an orgasm too far. In its issue out this week, the magazine will commit what many might see as heresy: it will say casual sex no longer hits the G-spot. <\/p>\n
While the editor, Lorraine Candy, defends a woman\u2019s right to choose, she derides what she calls \u201cMcSex\u201d \u2014 the takeaway coupling that leaves you feeling empty and slightly nauseous. This \u201csoulless sex\u201d, says the magazine, can cause lasting emotional damage as women move from partner to partner seeking little more than instant satisfaction. <\/p>\n
Cosmo says no to sex? Can it, after all those years of striving for liberation, be serious? Candy recognises it\u2019s a surprising change of tack, but feels it is one that must be made. \u201cThe message for young women today has been that sex is fashionable and to have as much of it as you can; but what is being missed is that you don\u2019t have to be a part of it if you don\u2019t want to. <\/p>\n
\u201cThere is too much peer pressure to go and get drunk and sleep with people you don\u2019t really want to without an emotional choice being made,\u201d she said last week. \u201cIt has ended up with Cosmo saying no to sex, which is a rare thing.\u201d <\/p>\n
Thirty years ago the all-you-need-to-know-about-sex formula of Cosmopolitan took the country by storm. When the magazine launched it sold 365,000 copies on its first day, even though some newsagents relegated it to the top shelf. <\/p>\n
\u201cIn the early days of Cosmo nice girls didn\u2019t do it,\u201d said Marcelle D\u2019Argy Smith, a former editor. \u201cIt then moved from getting your man to being all about sex \u2014 the attitude of grab him and pull his pants down in a phone box on the M4 or anywhere.\u201d <\/p>\n
As the idea that women can enjoy one-night stands has become acceptable, they have increasingly done so. In a recent study 37% of British women admitted to going out seeking casual sex \u2014 in Newcastle, 43% of women were on the prowl. <\/p>\n
A new survey, the biggest for a decade, by 4Learning, Channel 4\u2019s education arm, reveals how prevalent casual sex is among teenagers. The \u201cThis Teen Life\u201d study interviewed 1,000 boys and girls aged 14-19 and suggests that one in three lost their virginity on a one-night stand. <\/p>\n
Almost half said that it was acceptable to have sex or oral sex on a first date. More than 70% believed that threesomes or sex toys were an acceptable part of a relationship. <\/p>\n
Among teenage girls, one in three sees infidelity as normal, and the same proportion said they would rather live with someone than get married. <\/p>\n
Natalie Turner-Mitchell, 15, from London, said: \u201cNo one really makes a big deal about it, and it\u2019s just expected that everyone has sex. Losing your virginity is not a big deal, it\u2019s just something that people have to do.\u201d <\/p>\n
Heather Rabbatts, managing director of 4Learning, believes it is a common attitude: \u201cTeenagers have a much more experimental attitude to sex \u2014 it is a much more carefree and easier attitude and they don\u2019t necessarily think that love will be permanent.\u201d <\/p>\n
Nor is it just teenagers who hold such attitudes. For women such as Sarah Hamilton, 34, a promotions manager for a record company, sexual confidence is about the right to choose how many lovers they have. Hamilton, who has had 42 partners, said: \u201cI have a high sex drive so when I want sex I go and get it. I\u2019m not averse to one-night stands, and as long as I\u2019m careful and use protection I don\u2019t see anything wrong with it.\u201d <\/p>\n
The urge for easy, instant gratification is also borne out in Cosmopolitan\u2019s research. At Ice, a dance club in Tonbridge, Kent, it observed how a quick chat at the bar resulted in Holly Stevenson, 22, going home with a virtual stranger. It turned out to be her fifth one-night stand. <\/p>\n
But further research found Stevenson and other women were waking up the day after a night out and realising that quick soulless sex was neither satisfying nor enjoyable. <\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a buzz,\u201d said Stevenson, \u201cbut it seems that once you have sex there\u2019s nowhere else to go.\u201d The man she had taken home had left by 4.30am. To experts such as Dr Terri Apter, social psychologist at the University of Cambridge, it is more evidence that women have been deluded about sex. <\/p>\n
\u201cThere have been some misguided assumptions linked to the sexual revolution,\u201d she said, \u201cand one is that sex can be both casual and happy. In human beings sex is usually linked to an emotional bond, and without that it is at best unsatisfactory but at worst humiliating and degrading. <\/p>\n
\u201cIn time young people discover they are likely to feel shame, regret, anger. It has to be more than entertainment.\u201d <\/p>\n
In the past, Cosmo woman might have shrugged off such views like an unwanted man. As Candy says: \u201cWe didn\u2019t feel ashamed about one-night stands, we didn\u2019t judge each other . . . This, we thought, is what feminism is about.\u201d <\/p>\n
But now she is urging women that soulless sex is no route to self-esteem or indeed orgasms. The resident agony aunt, Irma Kurtz, puts much of the blame on alcohol. \u201cSocial lives are fuelled by alcohol and it makes it much harder to make a clear decision about sex,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n
\u201cIf we start to use sex as a drunken amusement, then we can stop expecting it ever again to be significant and special.\u201d <\/p>\n
WHILE the magazine may be leading the way publicly in forging a new sensibility, some young women have come to the same conclusion themselves. Lucy Baker, a 27-year-old marketing executive, used to pursue the sort of Sex and the City wild social life many expect of young women loose in London. <\/p>\n
But after a string of drunken flings and bouts of memory loss she decided the lifestyle was damaging, not strengthening, her self-esteem. \u201cI kept having memory blackouts and would be told the next day about my appalling behaviour,\u201d said Baker. \u201cI needed to take control of my life again.\u201d <\/p>\n
She visited a psychologist and gave up alcohol for six months: \u201cI slowly started to believe in myself again and ironically found love on a sober night out with friends.\u201d <\/p>\n
It takes time for attitudes to change, and different age groups react in different ways. But change they can. In America a similar rebellion against casual sex is already under way.<\/p>\n
\u201cBorn-again virgins\u201d are making headway, with teenagers joining groups such as True Love Waits. Thousands are rejecting their past and becoming \u201crenewed virgins\u201d pledging not to have sex until they get married. <\/p>\n
The administration of President George W Bush has ploughed millions of dollars into state-sponsored abstinence programmes which seem to be having an effect. In one New York scheme the proportion of 15-year-olds having sex fell from 47% to 32% in three years. <\/p>\n
Dr Trevor Stammers, a senior tutor in general practice at St George\u2019s hospital, London, believes they would also be effective in the UK. <\/p>\n
\u201cWe expect our children to abstain from stealing, bullying and a host of other activities, but often imply that it is less important where sexual activity is concerned,\u201d he said. \u201cYet by telling teenagers to delay gratification it may stop unfulfilling sexual encounters later in life.\u201d <\/p>\n
Will the readers of Cosmo heed its call for less soulless sex? D\u2019Argy Smith is sceptical that an audience used to a diet of sex can starve itself. \u201cIt is hard to pull back from the brink and try to inject philosophy and intelligence when up to now it has just been about getting laid,\u201d she said. <\/p>\n
But Candy is convinced the message is needed: \u201cSexual liberation is about enjoying sex but having great self-esteem attached to that,\u201d and not feeling pressure to have lots of partners. \u201cWomen need empowering and to understand that it is okay to say no.\u201d <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n Cosmopolitan says women should reject \u201csoulless sex\u201d, but perceptions among teenagers may be hard to change. A new survey by 4Learning, an educational arm of Channel 4, found: Thirty years ago it took the newsstands by storm. But the magazine that once championed women\u2019s sexual freedom has suddenly changed its tune. Cosmopolitan magazine is now warning women of the dangers of ‘soulless sex’<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":100,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-The_Media"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/100"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1174"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1174\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thetruthseeker.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n\u00b7 One in three teenagers admit losing their viriginity on a one-night stand
\n\u00b7 One in three think the age of consent should be reduced to 14
\n\u00b7 More than two in three feel it acceptable to have a threesome or use sex toys
\n\u00b7 Almost half of teenage girls say it is acceptable to have oral sex on a first date
\n\u00b7 One in three teenage girls think infidelity normal
\n\u00b7 One in four teenagers do not feel marriage is important
\n\u00b7 One in three think they would rather live with someone than get married
\n\u00b7 Nearly half would rather have money than marry
\n\u00b7 Nearly two in three would prefer to work than study<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"