Darkmoon — April 2, 2016
TONY BLAIR ON FOX NEWS
“I’ve always been interested in viagra for pets.”
In an interview with Fox New yesterday, which at the last moment was apparently canceled owing to legal difficulties, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair revealed that he had been appointed CEO at Goldman Sachs’ new company, Viagra For Pets (VFP).
“I am indeed deeply honored to act as a sort of ambassador for pets,” Mr Blair revealed during the course of the 60-minute interview with Fox News reporter Samantha Honeywell, “and to work in close cooperation with Pfizer scientists such as Andrew Bell, David Brown, and Nicholas Terrett.”
Mr Blair continued: “As everyone knows, Sildenafil, better known as Viagra, has been widely available since 1998 as a common treatment for erectile dysfunction in humans. What we need to do now,” he added, “is to to extend the benefits of Viagra to our household pets, for they too suffer from erectile dysfunction.”
Asked why he had decided to take on the role of ambassador of Viagra For Pets, Mr Blair said: “I’ve always been interested in animal welfare. I think animals have equal rights to a vibrant sex life. It pains me to think that our beloved pets, as they grow older, are no longer capable of the sexual prowess they were capable of during their adolescence and prime.”
There was also a commercial motive, Mr Blair revealed candidly, for medicating pets with viagra. “Pfizer needs to move quickly to corner the market before its competitors do,” Mr Blair said. “Otherwise it could be beaten by its primary competitors, taldafil, otherwise known as Cialis, and Vardenafil, otherwise known as Levitra.”
Miss Honeywell asked: “How come you know so much about this subject, Mr Blair? Surely this is a big departure from politics?”
Blair conceded it was a new direction but that there were more important things in life than politics, and that sex was one of these things. As a humanitarian and compassionate animal lover, he said that improving the sex lives of animals, particularly of our household pets, had become a top priority for him.
Yes, Mr Blair admitted, he was being paid a small remuneration from Pfizer, via Goldman Sachs, for taking on this important role of emissary of Viagra For Pets, but this was not his main motivation. “Money has never interested me,” Blair insisted with a disarming smile, “nor does political power appeal to me in the slightest. I despise money and power.”
“So what is your driving force?” Miss Honeywell asked, clearly spellbound by the charisma of Britain’s greatest Prime Mnister since Benjamin Disraeli.
Mr Blair took a long time to answer, steepling his fingertips and frowning deeply into the middle distance.
“Love,” he finally replied in a hoarse whisper. “I am driven by pure love of humanity and the animal creation. This is why I went into politics in the first place, why I went into the war in Iraq with the full backing of my deeply Christian friend and spiritual mentor George W. Bush. And of course,” he finally added with a characteristic twinkle in his eye, “I have always been interested in viagra for pets.”
It was further revealed during the course of the controversial interview that The Independent newspaper (UK) had reported that Florida researchers had developed a Viagra-like pill to treat sexually frustrated pets, including hamsters. Veterinarians were said to have greeted the news with derision, but the article pointed out that there are few things as sad as a pet suffering from feelings of sexual inadequacy, noting that “It’s not unknown for a guinea pig to sit in its cage thinking, ‘I haven’t had sex for months. Am I so unattractive?’”
Owners were instructed to grind the pills up and sprinkle them in the pet’s food. Laying some newspaper down on the floor once the pills began to take effect was also advised. The pills were to be marketed under the brand name Feralmone.
