Iím Free and Freedom is Reality
Reflections in a Petri Dish Ė July 1, 2010
Dog Poet Transmitting.......
I have the strangest life, I live in my heart and my imagination. As strange as I am and there are several personalities to choose from, I am not as strange as the people I meet and hear about. I was standing with a woman that I had been talking to for some hours. We were standing on the street and she had shown me a place where I could wait for the dawn. I saw hundreds of people. I had seen very few people for months. So I studied peopleís body language and their faces.
Often I was doing this while this woman talked to me. I was in a bar area that is only open on Tuesday. There was a big park and people were standing there and sitting there and not dancing. It was Switzerland and Switzerland is about the money, no matter where you are. Itís the reason that most them donít have any fun. They have their pension and their latter years but life is gone by then. Some of them are friendly and some are not and itís about half and half. Usually the women are much friendlier. Most people speak English. I donít go to Basel much because it depresses me.
When I dance people stare because they are not doing it. In Italy you can sing in the street and I do, and people laugh. In Switzerland they just look at me like Iím crazy. I walk through the malls and traffic-less streets and I sing loud and I smile and I look in their eyes. The foreigners understand. This woman was a foreigner from Ost bloc. She had been through a lot and it had changed her but she had a confidence and drive that was infectious..
A crazy person came into the park and everyone got tense. There were a hundred people there. The woman said that there were some Spaniards and Portuguese who were angry with each other, she was apprehensive and said, ďI hope he doesnít come over here.Ē I saw another guy. He looked like he was high on speed. It was at a carnival and he was intimidating the people around him. For some reason I didnít go over there. He was a big guy in good shape but he was crazy. I would see the person yelling in the park wasnít coming over to us and I told her so. Iíve seen this several times. They let these people do their thing but everyone seems to be afraid. When it rains only a little bit, thousands of umbrellas bloom; itís the money.
She said, ďI hope soĒ and I could see she had experiences. Once I was locked up in the Nogales jail for smuggling. I wasnít smuggling, the guys with me had left their pot and pills on the other side of the border. After tearing the van apart for six hours they let us go, followed us and lost us and then got a car in front that braked fast. I told the guy to drop it out the window. He waited for the car to stop and then he did.
So I was in the Nogales jail with a couple of other people. One was a white guy who had been around but was small. Another guy was one of those genial Mexicans that you always see in jail. They let this black guy in. He was big and for all I know he was frightened, crazy sure. We were sitting at a table and he was standing and yelling about kicking peopleís asses and then looking at us and glaring and daring us to say something. This was a period where I had two altercations and wasnít afraid of anything. It isnít always like that.
This guy was getting menacing and it was a matter of time before he called for either fealty which might have gone anywhere or submission. No one was going to do anything if I didnít. He was moving on the white guy who was cringing in his chair. Like I often do I acted without thought and I jumped up and told he if he didnít shut up I was going to shut him up and I walked around the table and then said, ďCut your loses, no oneís going to bother you.Ē He started yelling and swelling up and I just looked at him and he went away and there was no further problem. There could have been but often there is not. I got moved to the Maricopa County jail and there was this white trash, southern boy who keyed on me. Part of it had to do with meditating on my bunk and part of it was personality.
He kept on taunting me and I ignored it. The fellow I was sitting with said, ďYouíre going to have to deal with it sooner or later. I nodded and went on with my business and he did something and I said, ďThe next time you do anything to me I am going to fight you. Stop now and you wonít be sorry.Ē I didnít know what he knew but bullies are mostly hot air; not all of them though. Later I was sitting on my bed and a roll of toilet paper sailed in front of my nose. ďOkay, thatís it I said, I walked down the aisle to him. He has backed up and was holding his hands in a way that didnít inspire confidence and he had a gleam in his eye like he knew me and owned me. I said, ďWe can end it right here, Iím giving you a chance. Otherwise I have to kick your assĒ
He sneered and I went into a boxing stance. I had won several medals as a kid mostly because my hands have always been fast. Susanne remarked on it the other day. No, we donít spar but I do stay in some kind of shape. Rick Glover is always out there and fixated on me. Anyway, he threw a punch, I blocked it and hit him with a three punch combination and he went down with a bloody mouth. I stood over him and said donít get up. If you fuck with me again Iíll give you to one of these guys as a sex toy and I meant it. I never heard from him again.
When I was young people used to pick on me all the time and sit on my chest and torment me for hours. Eventually they would do something and I would get angry and beat them up but I always forgot and people would be sitting on my chest again. The Kundalini changed it and the instant martial arts, which didnít get fluid until recently.
I realized what I saw in peopleís faces was fear. Fear of intimacy, fear of others and fear of social situations. I saw all sorts of people who wanted to have sex and all they had to do as announce it and they didnít. Back in the past I would just get up sometimes and say, ďLook, I see all of you people looking at each other and you want to be naked in a room. Tell someone and get it on. Youíre pinging in my head and Iím trying to enjoy my high.
Most of the time what we fear is bogus but if we face it, even if it kicks our ass, for some reason it goes away. I looked at this lady and she was genuinely afraid of this screaming guy. I said ďdonít worry about it, Iíll take care of it.Ē ďHowĒ she asked. ďIíll just be louder and more crazy.Ē You see it in prison all the time and thereís nowhere to go either. The guy quieted down and that was the end of it.
She walked down the street to a place that wasnít open (Iíll tell the rest of the tale at Smoking Mirrors comments today). Then she said, could she hug me and she would have that even if I didnít communicate like I said I would. I hugged her and looked down the street and I said, ďIím free. Thatís the one thing Iíve got. I can go anywhere and I donít have this thing lurking over me like most people.Ē It was profound at the moment and I expanded on it but couldnít remember what I had said.
Some of us have friends as our wealth and some of us are free too because thatís how we lived. It isnít easy in the beginning thatís why few do it. They opt for the job and the security. I was in my forties and the producer of the dinner theatre I was acting in said, ďVisible, you have to get it together. You have no savings, no insurance and no pension. What are you going to do?Ē ďGod will provideĒ, I said and he always has. Heís fed me and sheltered me and been the courage inside me when I didnít have any of my own. God can kick anyoneís ass and heís inside us. You have to go through a lot of shit but at least you get out of it instead of deeper into it.
I said yesterday when I was ragged, ďYou know Susanne, I didnít do too bad. Iím free like few people are and I have friends. If it all fell down, I have dozens of places to go where people will take me in and help me up. How many people can say that? I gave myself away and I put my hope and trust in people. All the shit I went through and it worked out in the end; just like it can for anyone who puts their effort and coin into the human experience. Sure Iím crazy and I do things that may not be safe or wise but Iím not afraid of that screaming man and you donít read in my face what I was reading in all those peopleís faces. You can question my judgment but I jumped right in and Iím not afraid of being close to others or loving the human race. Thatís why Iím singing when I go down the street. Iím letting people know that they didnít get me. Thereís one of us still loose and I suspect thereís more.
I run into bullies of all types all the time but I sing to them too and they go around me to find someone thatís afraid of them, just like anyone does. That other night, I told this lady, ďI could go anywhere from hereĒ and I meant it. There were no borders or boundaries, I was free.
Pure Sweet Love
Last updated 04/07/2010