By HollywoodInsideScoop.biz – August, 4, 2006
Besieged film star and director Mel Gibson has announced through his publicist his intention to donate a kidney to 35-year-old Rabbi Pinchas Goldenberger. Both Goldenberger and Gibson are type "O" compatible. Goldenberger has been on dialysis for the past month.
He holds dual Israeli-American citizenship and is on furlough from the Israeli army, where he serves as a chaplain. "He's in the states looking for a kidney," his wife Esther told reporters, "and as soon as he has the surgery and recovers he'll be back with his unit in Lebanon."
The Goldenbergers told reporters that they would overlook the fact that Gibson is an anti-Semite. "The kidney will function just as good and this will be a way for Gibson to do teshuva," Sgt. Goldenberger said (teshuva denotes repentance in the Jewish religion).
"After what's he done, he's lucky we don't ask for both kidneys," Mrs. Goldenberger exclaimed.
Gibson is currently undergoing alcohol rehabilitation at an undisclosed location. His publicist announced that the kidney donation was Gibson's way of getting back into the good graces of the Hollywood elite. "He's got a movie coming out in December and he can't afford to have it dropped," the publicist said.
National Judaic Organization (NJO) President Seymour Lipschitz noted that this is a first step for Gibson in repairing his tarnished image. "A large donation to the Holocaust museum is also being urged as a means for making amends," said Lipschitz.
"Gibson's got to learn that he can play-act at being traditional Catholic all he wants, but when he goes beyond that and actually tries to live like he's in the time of the Fourth Lateran Council, that's a red line with us, and if necessary we will shut him down," Lipschitz said.
Gibson's planned holocaust TV series has already been dropped by ABC, and the fear among his inner circle is that "Apocalypto," his upcoming movie about an ancient Mayan renegade who stands courageously alone against the whole establishment, may also get the axe.
"Mel will do whatever is necessary to get back into favor with Hollwood's top people," Gibson associate Silver Peesus stated. "If that includes making a mockery of his Catholic beliefs and heritage, it's a small price to pay," Peesus said, adding, "He believes his religion requires him to be humble."
(Satire by Michael A. Hoffmann III)
Last updated 21/08/2006