Reflections in a Petri Dish — June 5, 2014
Dog Poet Transmitting…….
May your noses always be cold and wet.
I looked down into today’s empty Petri Dish and wondered what I would fill it with. Would I fill it with yet more of the litany of madness that is afoot? The details make it clear that a great many people can no longer distinguish fantasy from… from… well, that other thing. This isn’t an isolated situation. This kind of thing is going on all over and involves all ages, races and whatever those other things are. Yeah, I could fill the page with some amount of this and then segue off into what I seem to want to talk about sooner and sooner these days regardless of the blog and their parameters of subject matter.
Anyway… I was thinking this morning about whatever it was I was thinking about; probably what to put in Petri Dish and I went over to my email location and I found this email from an Adrian R.
“Thank you for your continued prompting and encouragement, particularly in matters concerning the effort to be made in communing with Our Maker. I do respect your feelings of ambivalence towards the attitude of readers relating to topics raised in your writings, but I just want you to know that I continue to gain understanding from your efforts to write so insightfully and to let you know that you are a real source of strength in my life.
I happen to work as an ill-fit in the realm of financial services, although I do enjoy meeting my clients and some of the challenges that the business presents. I have never been particularly successful in this field and for various reasons have hit upon particularly lean and trying times. I recall you having mentioned in earlier and perhaps even more recent times, how you have struggled financially and I was wondering whether you might share some of your thoughts with readers on how you have coped with the threats, fears and stresses that such times present. I know that I am not alone, as the captains of the system in which I operate seek to punish the less affluent, to their even greater advantage!”
Love and respect,
I believe it’s the first time I’ve posted an email of this sort. I get as many as half a dozen of these a day, always a few,and they keep me going. Often people want me to pray for them and I do just that. Often I get a bio like you see here that comes along with the email. I’m not putting this here for any personal reasons. I get plenty of comments that say the same thing. I’m putting this here and writing this tonight because despite all of the nice things people tell me about myself I’ve got a terrible self image. I don’t much like myself. It isn’t cause I’ve got all kinds of private sins or a past filled with abuses and crimes against sundry. I live a pretty ascetic existence and my past, though extremely colorful, doesn’t quite match up with the villain profile. What it’s been is a lot of very bad luck… or an extended series of years having to do with something I obviously haven’t caught on to yet. I keep hearing about good reasons for it all and how I will find out any day but I don’t. I keep going though. I don’t know why sometimes.
I wake up in a good mood just about every day and I go to bed feeling the same way. It might be the dreams that come in between the one and the other, or it might be the continuous supernatural action that goes on around me. Today I was working in the yard. I feel like putting in a garden so Neo and I are doing that. A short time into the effort, I heard the wind rise up in the trees and come at me and it was unsettling because there was a great sense of awe that came with it, or rather, what I didn’t know about it and couldn’t see had something awesome in it. It happened several times and each time I was lifted into an acid state. It was unreal but… so is my life most of the time. I guess I live for things like this because I don’t live for much else. I don’t want that to sound pessimistic or depressive. What I mean is that there is very little I want, given I know the sticker price, even though it is definitely not visible. I guess I live for the work I do.
So it is that I thought I might address this fellows concerns. I’m as good a case in point with something like this as it gets. How is it that I got from Point A to Point Break so many times? How did I do it? Well… the truth is that I didn’t. Basically I cried out for help and I got it. Of course it didn’t just jump into my car when I turned the next corner and it might well be I didn’t even have a car. When we are talking about living on the bleeding edge without so many of the things so many people have, I qualify. Then again, for moments in time I was in possession of just about everything, solely for the purpose of my being able to see that it had no value besides flash and its capacity to ignite covetousness in the hearts of others. Of course… regardless of being minus material swag, there were those other elements that I did have that ignited rage and all kinds of venom of which I was generally clueless right up to snake bit city.
Let’s take my present situation as a good example. Had you seen this place prior to the work that’s gone into it you would have thought me quite mad to consider taking it on. The obvious cost, for normal people, was very, very high and then? Then and since, everything has either shown up free or been near cheaper than stolen, which doesn’t mean it didn’t press upon my meager holdings. The thing is, I got faith and I recommend it. I heartedly, no… whole heartedly, recommend it. I also don’t just believe, I know. That might be a curious statement coming from one who espouses, “I don’t know” as a mantra and… I sincerely do not know most of the time but in one particular area, I do know, it’s not just faith. I know there is a supreme being and a luminous hierarchy. I have seen them multiple times. As to the supreme being, I met him in a veiled sort of a way, which is the only way, so far as I know and how I know that is so is that I get reminded of it, at regular intervals, especially when I ask, “Where are you! Where are you!”
I’ve been in situations that equate to ‘abandon hope all ye who enter here’. I’ve been face to face with Bad Leroy and caught up in dramas I had little to do with bringing about since they were the product of that which ignited the this and that I was talking about. I will say this about it; even though I was in terrible dilemmas at times and people turned against me because they believed the surface evidence, I was fully vindicated in time and I do possess that convenient forgetfulness that you need to forgive, as if nothing had happened in the first place. You got to know it’s a movie. You have to know there is a plot and a director and you damn well better or you are damned.
I’m listening to John Waite singing, “Missing You”, interposed with, “If you see her say hello” by Dylan and that’s cause of dreams these last five six days about someone and the bittersweet beauty of recaptured memory is something you can’t wrap in words and hope it will convey the actuality but I know everyone, or most everyone, has some semblance of this in their past and I think to myself, how wonderful it is to be able to feel that poetic ache spanning time and distance and to want no more than the capacity to remember and feel it and I think… that’s a lot like the ineffable except the ineffable feels that way about every one of us and more so than any of us ever will. Knowing this about the ineffable, I can miss people I have known, even if decades have passed and know that I was blessed indeed to have experiences that I can remember with such a depth of feeling. So… when something rises up in my thoughts without any reason I can think of and I am swept away into a kind of Total Recall… I near weep at the wonder of this happening to me.
This is how I get through the shit so many of us get put through. Once I was in Dire Straits and I had just gotten out of jail in Hawaii. All my worldly goods were gone, stolen I guess and I had to get a job so I took a job as a cook at IHOP, which you probably know is one of the busiest breakfast places on Earth. I’m a vegetarian and I had to cook 20 pounds of bacon every morning. I would get home around 3:30 and take a shower and the pork grease would run out of my hair (I had hair then) and burn my eyes and if I cried about it it wouldn’t be noticeable.
No… surviving the ups and downs of material circumstance doesn’t have a lot to do with being frugal or sensible or whatever the prevailing wisdoms of the times recommend. It has to do with perseverance and the certitude that given there is a plot and there is a director, then there’s a point to the affair and here comes the next scenario and eventually you are part toreador and part surgeon and somehow… somehow, it works out. I can only say it has done so from my end and should this scenario collapse for no discernible reason, the next scenario awaits.
If you don’t have enough to get by… make some noise. If you got to be proactive then program the process in yourself. Know that within you is all power and though it may act in a tardy fashion and though it may turn out other than you sought to program… it did and will turn out and in hindsight, did so better that what your initial surprise or disappointment judged it to be.
I think that’s all I got for it tonight because I’m not sure I know what I’m talking about in the first place. Be well.
‘Sing it Loud’ is track no. 6 of 10 on Visible’s eponymous
‘Les Visible’ Music Album
Lyrics (pops up)