Reflections in a Petri Dish — May 16, 2014
Dog Poet Transmitting…….
May your noses always be cold and wet.
I’m watching the final performance show of Idol. It ‘s still cold… unreal… but we learned a long time ago… you persevere. Slowly but surely it comes into shape and when, in that still distant day, when it does come into shape, it’s gonna be something, yes indeed but… these things we do in the manifest, they’re small change by comparison with the building of the Adytum; the esoteric work that all of our manifest efforts are an incidental extension of. These are the things we do on our way. These are the things that parallel what is important and which renders them and everything else secondary. With that in mind, how can anything seem difficult or trying, when they are all irrelevant to the main act? It is the degree of importance we put on things that causes whatever problems we imagine we are having but… it just moves on, doesn’t it? It moves on from whatever it was to whatever it is and then… sometimes before you know it, it’s whatever it became after and none of the things that preceded, possess anything like the impact they had at the time they were happening. Even the scariest and most painful episodes, the losses and humiliations, sometimes we forget they ever happened for impressive periods of time.
Sometimes I just laugh, looking back at the jungles and swamps, the quicksand and the green institutional hallways I walked through and sometimes back and forth and up and down in. Before I got locked up the last time, hopefully for the last time, I suddenly knew about 20 minutes before it was going to happen that it was going to happen and at that moment, I was walking through a hallway with those very same green walls and one of my invisible friends came into my head and said, “Yes… it’s true, it’s going to happen but don’t you worry about it, even though you will be surrounded by walls like this for a time. You will walk away from this.” The severity of the charges was major, they amounted to a mandatory life sentence and no one had ever walked on something like that before. No one thought I had a prayer. Somehow by miraculous power, I went free. That moment in the courtroom (many moments in that courtroom) is indelibly etched in my mind and I suspect it is also etched on the minds of the others who were there and never saw it coming.
So I have to laugh again at my present situation. I spent much of the day on my knees; probably should have spent a lot more time there in my life than I did (grin) but one thing for sure, willingly or otherwise, this life certainly brought me to my knees and my heart soars with gratitude as I think of the whole kaleidoscopic pastiche of moments gone, remembered and forgotten but still present in some fashion, still a part of the whole enchilada that composes whatever it is that it was. The concrete floor here was never sealed. God only knows how many decades ago it got put it. It’s still solid enough but its come apart in places and so I’ve been repairing it. I’ve about got that done and so I’ll seal it in sections because objects have to be shifted and shifted and shifted. I can hardly describe what it’s like here. I remember many years ago living in such a situation. In those days you hardly thought about the lack of creature comforts. I keep thinking of that series of paintings by Thomas Cole.
To me… life really is a movie. It’s scripted, within certain margins; allowing for a certain amount of extemporaneous activity. Let’s say that it’s scripted in several ‘potential’ directions and each of those directions branch into following directions, as the script writer accommodates to the choices made and avoided. You can definitely up your game at any time. You can change your life, or allow it to be changed. Though it is a simple construct concerning free will, given that we can surrender or resist, each surrender, each resistance, reprograms the whole schematic… so… it has its complexities, that is, unless one completely hooks into one or the other, without any further interruptions.
I’ve discovered some very surprising things in the course of this adventure. Except for working in restaurants and whatever time it was that I devoted to creative efforts and entertainment venues, most of the rest of the time I worked some variation of construction. I was always a helper or an assistant. I was never a pro but I leaned as I went and now I find myself capable of things I had no idea I would be capable of. I never was really capable of them, certainly not in the way I am presently witnessing. It’s like I just downloaded it or something. I know things that I didn’t know and I’m pretty sure about that. Something very funny is going on. I don’t know what it is but I get the suspicion there is a great deal more going on than meets the eye with this whole business.
I can’t hammer on gratitude enough. I am probably more grateful for what is not than for what is. I am so grateful I am not in the business of killing people; poisoning people, stealing from people, scamming and conniving for all of the things that so many people want so desperately that their good sense leaves them; maybe they never had any. I’m grateful for all the places I am not and all the people I am not, given that I could have been anyone. All of us have that option; take a wrong turn somewhere and somehow lack whatever it is that one needs to back up or turn around. It’s a certainty that we will make mistakes. In my mind it’s also a certainty that we sometimes have no choice in the matter. Like I say, it’s scripted and sometimes the only way to get where you are supposed to get is for some kind of misfortune or misadventure to fall upon you. Sometimes, depending on whatever your business is, you can get put in all sorts of interesting situations, just for the necessary effect. Of course, we usually don’t know what that is until much further on… if ever.
What I have found that works for me, is to let slide every offense, real and imagined, that I was subjected to. For some reason it allows me to feel better about myself. It’s as if by letting others off the hook, my own burdens are somewhat lightened in the process.
I think back on people I’ve known. Some of them had a very easy time of it and as a result they made very little of themselves. They were content with the ride but the ride only went so far and then there was no great motivation to push on. I think having it hard is one of the real blessings that come around but no one would seriously consider that to be true in the process of it. At one point you tell yourself, “well… it will get easier later on.” Then it doesn’t. It goes on long past the point where you thought it would have ended long ago and you’ve got nothing to speak of, except what’s inside of you. Sooner or later, in the course of aging, you begin to reflect upon what is and is not worth having; what is and is not worthy of pursuit. It’s in times like those that you discover you’re immeasurably grateful that the only things of value you possess are inside of you and the friendships you made along the way. There’s that gratitude thing again.
I feel grateful at the oddest moments. Sometime this afternoon, I found myself suddenly feeling as light as air. I was very happy for no reason whatsoever. I was very light. I almost started singing but that wasn’t the right response. There wasn’t any right response. It just went on and on. I hadn’t learned anything or heard anything and it puzzled me to be feeling so good. Then, as is so often the case these days, one of my invisible friends showed up and said, “Visible, you know how it is when I tell you that some very good things are on the way to you and then a week or two, or a month may go by and you don’t see any sign of what I was telling you and it’s just one more of those situations where you are getting smoke blown up your rear end”? “Uh huh.” I reply.
“I’ve told you on any number of occasions that your idea of time and my idea of time are quite different. So… when I tell you that something good is going to happen, that it is happening, that’s the truth. It means that the good, whatever it may be, has been released and is on its way to you, precipitating down through the ethers. Sometimes it is right there, hovering above your head, or traveling at your side, but you can’t see it because certain necessary changes that were supposed to take place within you did not take place, for whatever reason and subsequently that blessing has to wait until they do. Once it happens the result is automatic and the important thing is not that it happens today, or tomorrow, or next year. The important thing is that it happens at all.” I’m guessing it was/is one of those things.
Well… what would a post be like without a few links? People who don’t like to be disappointed; real upstanding members of the community, are getting disappointed. People who should know to leave well enough alone are unable to. In other places, very special accomplishments are being denied their deserving hoopla. Really, really strange acts of depravity are at work. Meanwhile, faith in corrupt institutions is getting hammered. Things meant to be hidden are no longer hidden. You just can’t hide anything any more. Events that have been spoken of; types of events are daily occurrences and the predicted natural disasters are going into high swing. Winds that don’t ever come around at a certain time of the year are here. Are there voices in that wind?
If we don’t like the way things are then… we change the person they are happening to. Following that, events modify their manner of expression because the player identity has changed. The ears of the invisible are listening and the eyes of the invisible are watching. The awareness of the invisible concerning every little thing is radiating and being seen according to the level of sensory capacity of each of us. This perception is being affected by whatever degree of intuition is in your possession. That surely changes how things look and how you take them. You no longer have to be the victim of appearances because the play by play is illuminating everything as it is, not what it seems. The seemingness of things is the seduction portal of our ongoing fall into the mislabeled confusion of all of our unnecessary sorrows. Sorrow is potential joy in search of an understanding heart.
Lou Gehrig’s speech comes into my mind now and again. He was suffering from a terribly painful and fatal disease; “Today, I consider myself the luckiest man in the world.” It seems absurd that he would say this but… I understand what he means. I feel the same way, even though I am suffering from something else; my ignorance no doubt. That will pass. I’ve loosened my grip on it.
If I haven’t answered your emails, I will this evening. I just haven’t had the time.
Visible sings: ♫ Lucky Day ♫
‘Lucky Day’ is track no. 4 of 13 on Visible’s 2007 album ‘The Sacred and The Profane’
Visible’s new book,
The Curious Tale of Ash and The Whine
- ‘A Novel of the Unnatural and Supernatural…‘
…is now available to buy at Amazon.