Reflections of a “Socially Awkward Person”

by Carson – (Abridged Jan 2, 2012

I had always considered myself a socially awkward person for as long as I could remember.  While I was fairly gifted academically, my ability to express and handle myself in the presence of others was very poor and for most of my life, I found myself with few and soon no friends at all.  
Finding myself increasingly isolated, I began to become increasingly frustrated with others and society in general, and it was not long before I began to become hateful of everything and everyone around me.  
I started to pick out the flaws in everyone; all of their faults, all of their shortcomings, everything that was wrong with them.  I began to feel that humanity in general was worthless. I hated myself and my own inadequacies the most.  
I watched those who had people that cared about them, something that made me so envious, focus their lives on things like partying, drugs, sex, and other empty pursuits and I became incredibly bitter about it. 
“These people have what I’ve wanted for so long, and this is how they spend their lives?  On this junk?”  I thought.
Some time afterward I laid down and thought about what it was that I really wanted.  What was it I was really after?  Was it just friends?  Did I just want to have people to regularly hang out with and entertain ourselves?  Was it romance? 

Continues …

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