Controlling the News June 22, 2006

“Every day, the American media is flooded with dozens of propaganda stories, generated by the Pentagon’s pseudo-intellectuals. Many of these are faked “interviews” with photogenic GIs telling of their glowing pride in Bringing Freedom to Iraq or how much they want to come home but realize that they, like all Americans, Have to Stay the Course. We never use any of this silly, juvenile and unbelievable crap and aside from some newspaper in Brazil’s outback, I can’t think of anyone who does. Here is an example for you to laugh at. The following story, released by the Pentagon’s News and Information Services, was sent out to the American media on June 22 Considering the amount of taxpayer’s money the notorious Lincoln Group (‘The Goebbels Brigade’) of the Pentagon has received in the past, one would hope for more bang for the buck instead of this transparent, moronic, but politically useful, fiction. Don’t laugh too hard; you might hurt someone’s feelings.

Now, I have just been given a “High Level Press Release” that breathlessly informs me that a gang of seven Muslim terrorists” (plus a Haitian immigrant, no less!) were just apprehended by the ever-vigilant Republican Defenders of America, in Miami. Although no explosives were found, authorities are certain that, like the missing WMDs, they will eventually be discovered in a secret terrorist underground headquarters located near Disneyland! What were they going to do? Why, blow up the Sears Tower in Chicago! My God, what next? A group of Korean missionaries destroying the Mt. Rushmore memorial but stopped at the last minute, thanks to the Ever Vigilant DHS? These people have no class and certainly no intelligence. I am speaking of our Ever Vigilant Defenders, not the fake “terrorists.”

First off we had the real screamer.

Remember the brief story about the “huge Muslim terrorist gang” in Canada that was going to blow up their Parliament building and cut off their Prime Minister’s head? That turned out to be a typical CIA hummer, concocted in cooperation with the newly-right wing Canadians.

Was there such a plot?

The “huge” gang turned out to be a group of ten or eleven Asian Muslims who got together and cursed the United States. Seventeen year old boys are not going to cut off the Prime Minister’s head and then pour over the border to rape, loot and pillage in America.

This was a Karl Rove style ‘Scare ‘Em Into Voting for you” racket like the “Red Terrorist Alerts” of a few years ago that, strangely enough, always cropped up at election time. The Canadian caper was so silly it died aborning. Next we have the article below claiming, falsely, that we have discovered the WMDs at last! (Three years ago of course but Our Clever Leaders kept it quiet until before election time) and now the Blowing Up of the Sears Tower, again, just before election time. We can now expect a solemn Gonzales, surrounded by Men in Suits, giving a pre-emptive press conference on CNN to alert all of America to the stunning news and telling them that He, Alberto the Wetback, is Always Vigilant and Protecting America!

You ought to hear the nasty, sarcastic comments around our offices about such stupid fictions!

I have a contact inside the Pentagon who, when asked about this “attack”, rolled his eyes and said, “The usual fear and smear crap. Rove loves to do this and we are getting fucking sick and tired of that psychotic little chubby. He and his boyfriend are going to start something no one can deal with.“ He also told me that any chemical weapons found in Iraq were made prior to 1991 and in “very small quantities,” are now in “a badly deteriorated condition and could not be used.”

And that’s a direct quote from a three star general.

I could post for you, hundreds of such stupid and very obvious governmental fabrications, which I have been collecting for a book, but why waste your time? This one here is very typical of the oeuvre. We don’t publish these if we can help it unless corporate is pressured into doing so by the Administration (which it sometimes is.)