Pandora Pushkin – Darkmoon.me April 1, 2012
The New York Police Department (NYPD) has talked to more than a dozen people with ties to Iran caught photographing New York City landmarks that could be terrorist targets, and that is raising major security concerns.
This is really scary! I am canceling my trip to New York next week!
With coordinated attacks from Thailand to India to Georgia the intelligence community believes the covert war between Israel and Iran is underway and it’s now touching New York.
This is NOT good news! I am utterly spooked. I have a granny who lives in New York City and I’m keeping my fingers crossed, like, she’s gonna be okay. Why are these evil Iranians picking on innocent American citizens who just want to get on with their lives? Why can’t Iran and Israel sit down and settle their problems, like, amicably, without involving peace-loving Americans in their disputes?
The NYPD says it believes Iran has people on the ground covered by diplomatic rights conducting reconnaissance missions and photographing possible targets like landmarks and infrastructure in the City. The fear is that information is going directly to Iran’s Hezbollah faction.
I think all New Yorkers should keep an eye out for these evil Iranians prowling round our streets and, like, “up to no good”, if you know what I mean.
If you happen to see any guys with interesting noses, drawing swastikas on walls, ignore them! They’re the good guys. On our side. They just like drawing swastikas on walls for fun. They’re talented graffiti artists.
“Hezbollah is a threat to this country, a growing threat and it has gone from terrorist financing to being capable of fully operational terrorist activities,” said Republican Representative Peter King of Long Island, the Chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee.
Yeah, Hezbollah is evil. No doubt about that. It’s defending evil Lebanon from the nice Israelis who are only trying to expand their borders a bit by occupying south Lebanon up to the Litani River. Nothing wrong with that, is there? I mean, c’mon! Evil Hitler wanted Lebensraum, if you know what I mean, so why shouldn’t nice Jews help themselves, like, to a bit of extra land in evil Lebanon?!?
After all, the whole Middle East (except for valiant little Israel) is full of Islamofascist terrorists. Brainwashed by the Koran into wanting to conquer the world! Yeah, and they wanna force young women like me to stop wearing miniskirts! Honestly, I’d go crazy if some horrid Muslim forced me to wear a veil and ankle-length dresses! I’d never be able to go into a bar again and, like, pick up a nice guy, know what I mean!?! So banning miniskirts is dead wrong!
Another thing. Have you ever met a Hezbollah terrorist? I have. I met one in Beirut once, on a bus, and I will NEVER forget the way he looked at me! He called me a “Western whore”. And just because I was wearing a miniskirt and a tight low-cut blouse with one shoulder strap, like, hanging loosely off my shoulder, like I wear when I go to that disco in Manhattan!
These guys have no tolerance and lassy-fair. (Spelling?) They smell of garlic! They live with goats! They don’t even use underarm deodorant! And of course they’re extremely, like, anti-feminist. They want to ban makeup, miniskirts, and sex toys. Heck, they don’t even approve of porn!!! So what I say is, our government is right. These guys are dead evil and they should be killed on sight.
The landmarks range from the Brooklyn Bridge to Grand Central Terminal and other infrastructure and an NYPD intelligence official says since 2005, 13 people with connections to the Iranian government have been interviewed for taking pictures in the city. They could have been tourists but the NYPD is being cautious.
I think this presents a really scary picture! People sneaking around doing surveillance and taking pictures of landmarks like the Brooklyn Bridge. All this kinda reminds me of what happened just before 9/11…if you remember. Only on that occasion it was nice Israelis, wasn’t it? Driving round in white vans and doing, like, high fives…as the Twin Towers came crashing down.
Anyone remember what happened to those guys? They beat it right sharpish, didn’t they? Skedaddled pronto. Hopped on a plane to Tel Aviv and became national heroes on Jew TV!?! Well, what I’m saying is…if the cops can let those Jewish guys get away so easily, I really don’t see how they’re gonna catch these sneaky Iranian terrorists in time?!?
Yeah okay, that sounds a bit, like, “unpatriotic”. No point saying bad things about our cops now they’re trained, like, to do their jobs in Israel!
Hey, read this fantastic new article if you have some time: it’s called “The Israelification of American Domestic Security.” Looks like nice Jews from Israel are now running our police forces across the country… helping our cops do surveillance of nasty Americans and taser them good and proper if they, like, misbehave! Frankly, that’s the best news I’ve heard in a long, long time!!!
Why? Well, seems those Jews have a much higher IQ than us dumb Americans do, Jewish average of 115 compared to our national average of only 98, so I’m damn relieved a smarter race is helping to run our police forces! Know what I mean, like?
Hey, don’t get me wrong! I’m not saying, like, our cops are STUPID! No way! I’m just saying they gotta be pretty smart to call in the Jews to run the show! Know what I mean? No? Never mind! (Guess you’re stupid too, like).
The heated battle between Iran and Israel could easily spill over to the streets of New York with it’s very large Jewish population.
Jiminy crickets, why didn’t I think of that? I’ll have to warn all my nice Jewish friends to get out of New York real quick. Heck, it’s safer right now for Jews in Iran!!! Looks like Jews are really HAPPY in Iran — and you can’t even PAY them to GO TO ISRAEL!!!
So that’s one solution if you’re an American Jew who feels threatened by evil Iranian terrorists in New York City: just HOP ON A PLANE TO TEHRAN!!! Yeah, Iranian Jews feel really safe in Iran!!!
In recent days a gunman has killed seven in France including three children and those brutal attacks have lead to the NYPD to ramp up security here according to police commissioner Ray Kelly who said, “We put in additional coverage using our critical response vehicles around synagogues and other Jewish locations you might say in the city.”
I’m glad they shot that evil antisemitic sonofabitch before he was caught and put on trial. The thing with these guys is this: it’s very dangerous, like, to put terrorists on trial. Cos it gives them just what they want: the oxygen of publicity. I mean, you can’t have them getting up there in the dock, in full view of the world, denying their guilt! And denying the Holocaust!!! And spouting a whole bunch of crap from the Protocols! Nosir, that’s just not on!
So what I say is, like: Kill ’em first, like, and DON’T ask questions later…know what I mean?!?
My personal hero Norman Podoretz writes: “Their first priority, as repeatedly and unequivocally announced by their president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is to “wipe Israel off the map”—a feat that could not be accomplished by conventional weapons alone….Israel would be destroyed in a nuclear exchange, but Iran would survive.”
I WANT TO WIPE ISRAEL OFF THE MAP
AND DRIVE ALL THE JEWS INTO THE SEA!
WOW! Israel wiped off the map and all the nice Jews driven into the sea! That would make the FIRST Holocaust look like a kiddie’s picnic!
As a result of these dreadful threats, Norman Podoretz wants to wipe Iran off the map before Iran wipes Israel off the map! That makes sense to me. (See The Case for Bombing Iran.)
Look, they’re now threatening to, like, nuke NEW YORK! That’s even MORE serious than wiping Israel off the map!!! I can no longer visit my granny in Brooklyn or buy bagels at the corner store like I used to do. It’s praying on my mind. Or should that be “preying”? Not quite sure, but “praying” will do, cos I’m praying real hard that Obama gets his finger out and starts nuking Iran RIGHT NOW!
The sooner these guys are wiped off the map, the better.
So far the NYPD says there are no known terror threats.
Whew, thank G-d for that! Yippeeeee! WORLD SAFE AGAIN!!!
Pandora Pushkin is a writer of satirical spoofs and claims to have an average American IQ. “I’m doing my best to educate myself by reading the New York Times and watching Fox TV,” she confides, “but I guess I’m dumb like most Americans!”