In one of the most shocking moves of his presidency, George W. Bush is on the verge of selling Hawaii to Japan, a leading Washington insider has informed Weekly World News.
“Basically, the President sees this as a quick and easy way to generate a huge bundle of cash,” stated the source, an upper-echelon State Department official with close ties to Bush’s inner circle.
“As everyone knows, the U.S. is in debt up to its eyeballs — to the tune of more than $7.5 trillion. And thanks to the gigantic tax cuts Bush keeps giving the super-wealthy and big corporations, the government effectively has no income whatsoever. Bush figures that by selling Hawaii, he’ll be able to pay off a sizeable portion of the national debt while generating funding for continuing military operations in Iraq, and quite possibly, a full-scale invasion of Iran.”
The notion of selling large areas of American territory for profit was inspired by a 2004 cam- paign stop Bush made at an elementary school, according to our source.
“Sitting in on a fourth grade class where kids were giving oral reports on American history, the President was surprised to learn that in 1803, what is now the American Midwest was actually purchased from France for $15 million in a transaction called the Louisiana Purchase. That got Bush thinking that if the U.S. could buy enormous chunks of land from other countries, it could sell land, too, and maybe make a killing doing so.”
Initially, Bush considered putting up Massachusetts for sale, along with several other “blue” states. But after Vice President Dick Cheney pointed out such an action might trigger a massive popular revolt on the U.S. mainland, he and Bush decided to hang a “For Sale” sign on remote, isolated Hawaii. “It’s so far away, that it doesn’t even seem like part of America anyway,” the President is alleged to have said at a cabinet meeting, adding, “Besides, I talked to Daddy about it and he says there’s no oil there, just pineapples and coconuts.”
In a secret nonbinding auction held shortly after Bush’s second inauguration, Japan outbid 10 other countries, including Canada, China and Australia, for ownership of the “Aloha state.”
According to a telephone poll of Hawaiian residents conducted last week, 98 percent described themselves as “extremely P.O.ed” after being told about the President’s alleged plan.
“That arrogant bozo is spitting in the face of everyone who lives here,” fumed Roy Kakaliki, a Honolulu native and founder of the Kakaliki Coconut Company.
“When word of this spreads, there’s going to be Bush effigies burning all over the islands.”
We carry the above report as it appears on the Weekly World News website, but would add that it sounds so outlandish that we suspect that it may be deliberately contrived to discredit those news outlets, like this one, that carry it. Or it may simply be sensational journalism at its most outlandish. Whether that is the case, or whether it is a real possibility or just plain disinformation, time will tell. Ed.