Voice of the White House May 11, 2005

I can imagine the fun you must be having from various readers of the articles on elevated Fudgepacking in elevated governmental circles. These days, when the staff prays, it is not for Bush to waltz on the water of the Potomac but for the Gannon business to vanish like the Chessy Cat’s Smile. I told you I was working up a comparative listing of the nights Gannon the Hung spent the nights at the White House and who else was here to comfort and cozen him. My problem is that I cannot print the names of security people or staffers. They are protected by law. Others are not and their schedules are a matter of public record. I can state categorically that I cannot find any one staffer who was on duty every time Gannon overnited. I have found someone else who certainly was and this can be proven to the hilt. This has not gone away as far as I am concerned and the government is still rooting around, checking phone logs and tapes to find out which person, or persons, has been doing these dastardly deeds aimed at the Second Son of God.

Another funny story deals with the famous hand grenade incident in Georgia. Believe it, a live grenade was thrown at Bush but bounced off someone else and fell back to the ground. Since this would indicate a laxity on the part of his guards, the story soon changed to the live grenade being a “dud” and then “just a hoax.” I am waiting for the spin freaks to come out with the story that the grenade was actually one of those fancy Ukrainian Easter eggs with a little note from some Georgian woman thanking God for sending Bush to earth to bless the people of Georgia. Stories about attacks, or even hinted at attacks on our Beloved Leader on the Internet drive the people here crazy.

The government, itself, is not above its own manipulations with the detested Internet. A computer expert, working for a government contract firm in California, has sent us a long paper on the “Internet II” program which in essence is an FBI operation. This will set up “a new Internet system” that is very “user-friendly” and “regionally located” to permit users “quicker and more efficient” Internet access. Whey they do not tell you is that the FBI itself will run this system which will give them complete internal control over any and all subscribers. In essence, our informant advised us, it would be the same as using the FBI’s own internet system right out of their regional offices for your personal email. Be advised.”

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