Voice of the White House April 15, 2005

“An entertaining story for your readers. Not profound but then what is these days? There is a classic jerk working here in the White House. Very self-important and filled with a heightened sense of his own importance and yesterday’s dinner. One of my friends has access to his office and has been “borrowing” and making copies of various reports and analysis in his files. I get these and send them off to various people. Recently, it seems the Authorities, outraged at the implications that someone inside the White House has been leaking documents, planted certain provocative but faked documents with various potentially suspect staffers to see what emerged. One potential suspect got this faked document while another got a second, but different, faked document. The idea is simple: When and if these appeared in the press or on the internet, the Gestapo would know just where they came from. I do not get such documents but can certainly see many of them. Yesterday, they swooped down on the jerk and took him away for interrogation because not only one but eight of his planted papers appeared outside the Monkey Palace. Of course Chester the Molester knew nothing about this but the enforcement people here are equally self-important and not too bright. They did not believe him and now they are squeezing his staff…all of whom are terrified. Just to be nasty, my contact hid a terrible kiddie porn magazine (I think Ralph Reed passed it to him at a White House Prayer Session last month) behind the obligatory picture of Jesus hanging on the wall behind his desk. I don’t know how he is going to explain that one to the Gestapo! Or his wife, either. They will see this, if you publish it, but they won’t let go of him. Once these knuckle-draggers get their hands on something, they are too stupid and too stubborn to let go. He will be taken into the Rose Garden and shot while the President gets a hardon watching from the window.”

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