Voice of the White House March 21, 2005

“ This is a really interesting period of my life. The public is discovering that our Republic is run by fags and Jesus freaks, the President is stealing the Treasury for his retirement fund, we are losing the war in Iraq, the PRC is threatening to dump our dollars and ruin us, gas will go to $5 a gallon, our Senate is wasting time trying to pose as saviors of a brain-dead turnip in Florida, we have no oil coming in and they are going to drill everywhere possible, including downtown Houston and Arlington Cemetery, it’s very clear that Bush and Rove have perverted and bought out the media wholesale so that no one believes what any of them say anymore, the religious wierdos are trying to force their fairy tale nonsense on everyone else, there is a growing frenzy in the White House to manufacture some “terrorist” incident so that doubting Americans can return to worship at Bush’s shrine, our “allies” are leaving our Coalition in droves, we bribed the Italian Prime Minister to stay with us, ( the Poles and Ukrainians can easily be bribed with the chump change in Bush’s living room couch), thousands of soldiers are deserting, shooting themselves in the feet or fleeing to Ireland or Canada, Jeff Gannon and Ken Lay are threatening to “tell all’ if Bush doesn’t do something nice for them. Like pardon them and rehire them. This list goes on and on and now you see why I call this the Monkey Palace.

If the Bush supporters in Iowa could spend one day in this place, they would reregister Communist and chase Bush, Fat Karl and others down Pennsylvania Avenue armed with farm implements. Fat Karl would be the first to collapse and the mob would be carrying bits and pieces of him around the Mall on pikes. FOX would go into mourning and the pathetic “Ann Coulter” would go back to the family pig farm in tears. Yesterday, I encountered a staffer, an older woman with sensible shoes and a cat at home named ‘Mr. Wumples’ who actually cried in my office because she discovered certain very ugly things about Her Sacred President. She may quit and take up work as a crematory operator. I always say you get what you pay for and when the Fiscal End Days come upon us and Bush is safe from extradition in his new tica in Costa Rica, that loud noise in the background is me laughing because all of my money is tied up in gold and euros.”

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