Voice of the White House February 14, 2005

“I can well imagine the squealing from readers of my recent comments about the basic stupidity of the American electorate. Kicked dogs yelp and I don’t envy you having to listen to their predictable wails of complaint.

I don’t know if this penetrated into the thick skulls of the complainants but for groups of people like the born-again ninnies, the dim-witted neo Fascist “Patriotic” types and other of their bands to actually believe that George W. Bush is going to actually address their needs is pathetic.

I well recall the visitors that thronged into the Monkey Palace before the elections. Marv Tweedle of the East Jesus, Texas, Eagle Shield Chapter of Patriotic Fascists for Bush would arrive with several other knuckle-draggers and, depending on how many votes old Marv could produce , would be met by a staffer. In a nice conference room, bugged, Marv and old Ernie McDingle would tell the staffer how they wanted every young American in uniform and fighting for their country; how anyone who neglected to take down the school flag when it was raining should be publicly whipped and so on.

The aide, who had a snitch sheet on Marv and Ern proving that they were two short steps removed from a street person, would nod sympathetically and eventually let them in on the information that President Bush was 100% on their side and when he got reelected, would pass this or that bill to further their cause. If Marv and Ern had enough voters behind them, they would actually be ushered into the Oval Office to meet with the Head Chimpanzee. Bush would enter, smile and give them his fake Texas Goodoldboy drawl. Nothing specific would be said because Marv and Ern were told not to mention a thing about what the staffer had promised because this was a secret not to be talked about. The Chimpster gave them about five minutes of his worthless time and out they would go, autographed (by machine) pictures clutched in their sweating palms to go back to East Jesus, Texas and their many voting friends with tales of wonder and joy. .

The identical scenario was repeated when the Reverend Bertil Willer of the Topeka chapter of the Church of the Aryan Redeemer arrived with his bowlegged wife and two Deacons. The Reverend wanted to know if Bush would stop any kind of abortion, promote Jesus in all the public schools and ban rock and roll. And the Harry Potter evil books. Curious George the Monkey would repeat the same performance he had with the Texas fascists, only the machine-signed pictures <>these<> Good and Godfearing boobies got had: “Yours in Christ” above the fake signature.

I have heard Fat Karl the Eunuch laugh about all of this tinhorn theater because Fat Karl knows that there is no way Bush could get Congress to pass a law banning the Constitution and replacing it with the Ten Commandments or to compel every American to have the flag tattooed on their immense and flabby buttocks.

Now, Bush was reelected by these star-struck morons and the chances of their cherished societal changes have gone a-glimmering into the gloaming. In other words, the boobs are shit out of luck. But of course Curious George and Fat Karl don’t give a tuppenny damn because they won and have four more years to loot the treasury, line their pockets and get even with society for laughing at them when they were nerdy, fat, pimply and drooling adolescents.

And those of the electorate who voted for George on these grounds get exactly what they deserve: nothing at all.

Now onto all this fuss about the Gays in the White House….If the Family Values idiots who elected Bush realized how morally corrupt this administration actually was, they would march on Washington with farm implements and torches. The President is a cocaine-snorting, impotent drunk who was made fun of as a spoiled child and hates everyone. His top aide, Fat Karl the Eunuch, was a pathetic, bloated nerd with inch-thick glasses and loathed by everyone in his high school. His own private life is so bad that if these Family Values people or the local Child Protective Services ever heard about it, Fat Karl would be toast. In fact, the inner circles of the White House contain some of the most corrupt people I have ever met and I would under no circumstances allow any of my grandchildren anywhere near them, ever. They are, most of them, polymorph and perverse and those, like Cheney, who are not, are greedy crooks out to loot the Treasury by any means short of physical armed robbery. As I said before, you get what you pay for and the boobs who voted this gang of thieves and perverts into power deserve exactly what they get.

The problem is, Bush and his fanatics have done terrible damage to the economy, have created divisions in the American social structure beyond belief, utterly ruined America’s world image and instead of practicing intelligent diplomacy to solve international problems, have threatened, bullied and harassed any individual or government abroad that has dared to object to codified torture, mass killing of civilians, hostile foreign reporters and enemies of Israel, practiced by this Administration on a daily basis.

Putting the despicable Gonzales into the Attorney General’s office is an obscene farce that attempts to legitimatize sycophancy and torture at the same time.

And when the deluded Right, both religious and political, discover that Curious George has played them for the trusting fools that they are, great will be the lamentations heard in the land. And George will go right on getting richer at out expense and we do not need to comment of Fat Karl’s pleasures.”

See our Inside the White House archive: