Free Will isn’t What it Cracks up to Be

Visible Origami – April 5, 2011

Dog Poet Transmitting…….

‘May your noses always be cold and wet’.

A certain percentage of the time, I am compelled to write about something that I don’t want to write about. It might be as much as 25%, though it is probably less. I include here the times I am compelled to write about something I’ve already written about and figure should be known to the reader by now. There’s no escaping it. If I don’t do it, the pressure becomes insistent and begins to act like a big gong going off in my head. My resistance is probably because I can’t see the wisdom or the point of it sometimes and… sometimes… I know it is going to make me look bad to some, chiefly because I have to leave out certain details that make whatever the event is, look too much like science fiction.

Sometimes I have to write about things that cause controversy or which the reader wishes I wouldn’t engage in because they don’t need to be convinced of anything but, the pressure tells me that a back story is necessary and… if it is told truthfully, acts as a neutralizing agent against lies without provenance. If I had my way, I would probably only write at Visible Origami but I have less say in what I do than the reader might suspect. I’m part of something that I only understand a little about but am riding with that something all the same. I am in the carriage of whatever it is, being ferried to wherever it is and doing whatever it is along the way.

Most lives, especially in these times, are like waves on the ocean; out in the ocean. Waves break continually on the ocean and they are moving, momentarily, in a certain direction, only to be redirected by contact with another wave and so on and so on. You can stay out on the ocean for a very long time. Some lives come near the shore line and every wave is then significant because it is headed ashore. Some numbers of us are here; one might say all of us from many lives and locations are here because of the significance of these times. It’s possible for waves on the ocean to suddenly find themselves, inexplicably near the shore. This can be misleading for the very reasons you see in the lives around you. You can see that even with the promise of the shore, most people are unaware of the proximity and carry on as if they were still far out to sea. They came in here intending to seek the shore. It was uppermost in their minds prior to but… birth in the manifest soon drove this intention from their minds.

Lives that are near the shore and aware of it are generally working in concert with the ocean’s impetus to reach the shore. The shore is that land that resides beyond the ocean of birth and death, upon which the unfortunate are being tossed for large periods of time. Usually there is a cause and effect law of operation that controls the movements of the waves on the ocean, in terms of the potential for liberation on the shore. Then there are those special times when the shore might make an appearance almost anywhere and where the swimming wave can cease its independent actions of strife with all of the competing waves and trust to the mercy and compassion of the ocean, which has entered a period of grace for those fortunate enough to behold and take advantage of it.

Last May and June I went through an extended period of trial and visioning that was epic by even my standards. There was an initial period where I didn’t sleep for two weeks and didn’t need it either, while doing hard physical labor every day. I wondered if I might never need to sleep again. It was fine with me. This led to periods where I didn’t sleep or eat for a week at a time, while engaging in strenuous physical, emotional and mental experiences that finally left me at the door of physical death. I didn’t even know I was there. I heard a voice crying out in the room I was in and couldn’t locate the source. By this point I was having experiences like this all the time. The voice was crying, “Help me” over and over. It sounded serious. I was surprised to find it was my own voice. My body was crying for assistance because it knew it was at that point. I was indifferent to it and that’s why I couldn’t make the connection. I made it through to the morning and later on I wrote about this period in a very broad and sketchy manner here, because I could not bring myself to get into the sequence of details that was possible. I said as little as I had to.

That led into the summer which included my bad visitor and any number of physical problems. I imagine a lot of this was brought about by the state I was left in following the spring of last year. I’d lost a great deal of weight and no doubt dehydration was an issue, so I had continuing complaints until recent days. I’m usually optimistic, so I don’t want to assume that what I am feeling is the whole truth but, from what I can see, a corner has been turned and I’m doing all sorts of rehabilitation exercises, from meditation to strength building and more. I’ve always been extremely youthful but I probably aged myself 20 years in the one just past. I can see my way to a significant return to former energies and states of being but, it will involve work and I’m up for that.

My point in mentioning this is that through the whole time period, I never stopped reaching out for the ineffable. That was what provoked it all in the first place. It didn’t matter what was hitting me with. I could have been very angry and any variety of other emotions might have settled in for more long term residency and I couldn’t see the why or wherefore of what was happening to me but I just kept going. This isn’t to say that I didn’t get angry once or twice because I did. Within the aftermath of my following apology, I was told that I was made to feel this way and that there wasn’t anything I could have done about it or that I could do about the things I’d been through.

I say very little about most of the things that happen to me and I often give no, or few reasons for things I might say or do. It could be that I know little enough about them and am not in a position to say much. I’m writing this today so that the readers might make comparisons with their own life and have, perhaps, less despair and some understanding that things do happen for a reason, no matter how unfair or cruel they may seem to be. I’ve come to understand that I get off light, probably, and that I am usually taken through the easiest available course, as opposed to the most punishing, which is a scary thought indeed (grin). You’ve heard it said that when you are loved by the ineffable, you are tested and tried, punished even. This all has to do with tempering. It’s the quality of the 14th Trump.

When you’re in those waves, in the surf, approaching the shore, you might expect to find rocks and coral everywhere. You can expect riptides and undertows and how are you to manage landing in a place you’ve never been? You wouldn’t be out on that ocean otherwise, unless you were a type of lifeguard or company employee of the ineffable but even then, you have to rely on the wisdom of the ocean to take you in. Of course, we’re playing with metaphor and analogy here and I could have said this better if I had the talent but this is what you get.

There are great storms at sea these days. These storms have a purpose. They drive the waves and they can make shorelines appear as well. They are not what you should be focusing on. Your best bet is to try to sense the oceans intention for you and you can’t do that when you are being motivated by intentions of your own, unless that is your intention.

Sometimes I do have to say things here or engage subject matter that some of the readers would wish I might bypass but those are the smaller number of readers and may not have the questions that others surely will or would. Those of us who work for the ocean have enemies and they are your enemies too. You can say that they also work for the cosmos and it is all part of that tempering thing, which it is, but it doesn’t change the conditions of the moment, nor the way that those conditions can affect the view of the shore line. Perhaps ‘enemies’ is not the right word. Let’s call it ‘forces of opposition’.

You know what you have to do and who to rely on. Undue attention given to firework displays and special effects can affect your contact with the rudder, not that you are managing that but, there is the appearance of it sometimes, especially when we attempt to seize control (grin). I wasn’t going to write this today and that means it would never have been written, certainly not in the present form, but this is one of those times where I didn’t have any choice and that happens a lot more often than you might think.

End Transmission…….


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