Controlling the News: Notes from Inside the White House

Excerpts added since April 28th, 2004:

Note: The following material is from a reporter with access to the White House and Presidential press briefings. Some of this material has surfaced before but only in small segments. If any of this is true and not the product of an unhappy person, we are all in serious trouble.

“Thank you for publishing my comments. Since you put these up on your website, there has been a kind of private, muted panic in the White House. The Bush Gestapo is determined to find out who I am. Fortunately, I am not a staff member but now I understand the WH is getting the FBI into the act to do a computer linguistic check on my comments to compare these with articles I might have written. Way to go with the tax dollars, Karl!)”

“You ought to look into the incident when Bush got a nasty, deep cut on his head when he “fell off the couch while watching a football game.” Did he land on the dog? Bush is known to fall down from time to time, according to [redacted] for “no apparent reason at all.”

“Yesterday, a senior staff member cornered me in the press room and wanted to show me that he had no cross under his coat lapel. I asked him why he was doing this and he replied that some “psycho” in the White House was “spreading lies” to the media. When I asked him where this had appeared, and took out my trusty notebook, he shut up and went off to pray somewhere.”

“Latrine rumor has it that a new memo is coming out, strictly prohibiting any “non-assigned personnel” from entering into any White House office except by specific invitation and then with a “guide.” So much for the Jesus wallpaper. Everywhere but the lavatory. One of my irreverent colleagues scrawled up something bad about the Prez on a wall over one of the staff urinals and now these are under 24 hour video surveillance. Makes certain bodily practices very embarrassing.”

“When Sharon was here, [redacted] told me that Bush basically asked him what he wanted and then gave it to him. No quid pro quo and Foggybottom (Department of State. Ed) folks were livid.”

‘One of the jokes here is about the Fabulous Bush twins. They are not to be talked about because they are following in Dad’s uncertain footsteps. What a family. Two of the children are drunks and the niece is a raging drug addict who was selling crack in the halfway house in Florida! I told my editor I was having fun but I would rather cover drying paint. It’s less dangerous, let me advise you. By the way, all calls outside the White House are tapped and taped.”

“My colleague from the Mickey Mouse channel has been telling a great story, but outside the White House. In one of the top Presidential aide’s offices, on the wall, are three big pictures. One, in the center, is a colored picture of an Aryan Jesus flanked left and right by smirking portraits of Bush and Cheney. Our commentator refers to this tableaux as Christ between the Two Thieves!”

Also see:
Controlling the News Part 38
Controlling the News April 8, 2004
Controlling the News April 1, 2004
Controlling the News March 24, 2004
Controlling the News March 12, 2004
Controlling the News: Media Monopolies
Controlling the News February 12/13
Controlling the News Part 35
Controlling the News Part 33
Controlling the News Part 30
Controlling the News Part 22
Controlling the News Part 21
Bush Has to Go
Sensational Memos Lift the Lid on News Control