how do i do this?
Visible is comfortable, and will be writing this day
Reflections in a Petri Dish — Sept 28, 2018
Dog Poet Transmitting…….
(Whoa… well… before beginning this writing I went ahead and ordered all of the readers suggestions, such as Kratom, Boron and EDTA. We shall see. For the moment, I’m sitting down. I ache if I move and getting up and using this walker… is always an experience. Thankfully I have received serious pain medication from visible and invisible friends. I would call it a kind of stalemate of slow motion moving toward the physical recovery. So if I appear a tad ambushed in my presentation of what ever it is that you are going to get here; there are reasons.)
What I have noticed through this torment is how much closer God has been. Before I even ask he is there. That is the most impressive thing to me. If that is the long range objective of this suffering then I will say it is worth it. My position is; get God, no matter the cost. Hang the cost! I’m moving around okay- a couple of weeks will tell me where I am… in the meantime we chop wood and carry water (metaphorically speaking- I certainly cannot chop wood or carry water), to the extent that we are able and we rest on the support and generosity of the ineffable for all else, as the ineffable expresses through us and everyone else.
This is days later and I have removed the third paragraph which may well have been the most negative and depressed thing I have ever written and I do not want to subject the reader to this. The reader relies on me to be upbeat and positive and no matter what has happened to me in recent times, it is my responsibility to stick to this.
I have no choice today but to go into detail about what has been happening to me. I apologize for the subjectivity that is to follow but there is no way around it and nothing of real importance cosmically, that can be spoken of, that is happening in the world at the moment, or I am not seeing it.
Until a couple of days ago I have been experiencing the most intense and egregious pain of my whole life. As some of you are aware, some time in April my gall bladder was removed. Then later on my other hip was broken and the rehabbing of that has been taking a great deal of time. I think it’s five weeks now and after the next week passes, I will find myself at the same place in time where I was when the first hip broke in Germany, a couple of months before I relocated to the US; if Hawaii can be considered a part of the US.
A couple of months after my gall bladder was removed, I was hit with some of the greatest and most extended pain of my life from the same location as where it had been present before the removal of my gall bladder. Now it seems to me if the source of the pain is removed there should be no further pain from that location. About a week and a half ago the pain returned to the same location and it was crippling and terrible and I was beside myself, not knowing what to do. At various times I was up all night suffering in a horrific manner. Over the weekend the pain returned again and was at times unbearable. A couple of days later it returned again. I had to go to the doctor. I was concerned that I might die and I assure you that would have been preferable to me rather than to continue living. The doctor gave me a medication to put under my tongue to militate against the spasming pain. It was not strong enough, so I got something similar a couple of days later… but much more powerful. That has proven to be a great deal more effective. At the same time a friend was able to provide me with some serious pain medication and for the last several days I have been much better off. Never in my life have I had such pain as has come to me in recent times.
The doctor told me that just because they removed the gall bladder that did not mean that stones would not still pass. Why then did they take the gall bladder out at all then? This is an insanity of the allopathic medical system that I am unable to make any sense of. I will see a new internist next week and I hope the matter will be resolved then.
I have been unable to write any posts. I had been wresting with whether or not to mention any of this to the reader. There seemed no reason to me to lay this on the reader but I finally decided to at least provide an explanation for why you have heard nothing from me. I felt no motivation to attempt to speak on the positive side of life, with so much negative happening in the manifest side of existence. I have always been an optimist, regardless of the difficulties and suffering of my existence. I have believed that the ineffable was working on my karma toward the purpose of liberation and because I KNOW that the divine is wise and compassionate beyond the understanding of the mortal mind, I trust the ineffable regardless of the seeming darkness of whatever state I may imagine I am in, of late.
There were periods in recent time that I despaired of the presence of the light no matter what direction I might be seeking it in. I was astounded and astonished at my ability to bear what was being visited upon me. I never thought I had the stamina and endurance to go through and get past it. For the moment I am on the other side of it. I don’t know how long that will last but as there have been a few days now where I have been free of pain, I am, as usual, immediately gravitating toward the positive, regardless of what was so recently being visited upon me.
I don’t know what the cause of this all has been. Is it just a period of natural transition from some state of awareness being transferred into a new one, where attachments and the bondage of the dream state are being dissolved so that I can be free of some long standing imprisonment? Is it enemy action from the dark side? Is it something having to do with something other that I am not informed of? I don’t know. I pray that it is coming to an end but this I do not know either.
My job and avocation is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my strength, with all my mind and with all my soul (not verbatim for sure). I see with a greater clarity than I have ever before been capable of that my best position is to maintain a state of emptiness of mind and a sustained expectation that it will be filled by the presence of the divine at the moment of his choosing, which then will resolve every apprehension and confusion that might have been previously extant. That seems to be the case. The ineffable told me a couple of months ago to just continue in behaviors, struggles and occasional excesses I had previously been engaged in and that at some point he would step in and wipe it all away, while at the same time coming into a resident and sustained presence in which everything would be explained. He said it might be six months and it might be a year but it would be no longer than that and at that point there would be no future concerns for me in the manifest. How I hope and wish that this will be so!
Earlier in my life I was reckless, fearless and impassioned. It has occurred to me that this might have been the cause of my present difficulties, still, all of the recklessness, fearlessness and passion was motivated and directed by Love. In later years my behavior and objectives have been resonant with divine imperatives, as much as has ever been true at any previous point in my existence. I thought my confusions and ignorance were being washed away and at some pending moment all would be revealed and I would be free of limitations that had plagued me for so long. That has not been the case until this moment but I do know that those who persist in the love of the ineffable and have as their greatest priority, being consumed in the service of the ineffable, must at some point achieve a lasting contact with the divine and arrive at a sustained sense of the presence of the Divine at the center of one’s being.
I must once again apologize for sharing the details of what has proven to be one of the worst periods of my life but so many people are asking what has been happening to me; why they are not hearing from me, why I do not answer communications, that I have felt I had no choice but to be as candid as possible. In the meantime, certain friends and readers have sought to visit me from countries outside the borders of the United States and the authorities from government have refused them entry into this country, even though there was no problem with this previously. It has seemed to those so involved in this effort that it had everything to do with visiting me personally and not having to do with entering the country in general. I’ve no idea what this means.
I pray that you are all well in your lives and that events and circumstances move in a positive fashion for you. You and I cannot be forever trapped in the web of Maya or subjected to the rigors, disappointments and suffering of the Kali Yuga. I’ve had a great deal of communications with Kali in recent times and I am grateful that she has been so sweet and loving to me. It’s not something you usually expect from her, unless you are RamaKrishna (grin).
I will endeavor now to post in a regular fashion, as was previously the case …and hope that this will be permitted from now on and that what has been happening will have ended and not return. Time will tell and we shall see.
Much Love to you all-