Reflections in a Petri Dish — August 11, 2014
Dog Poet Transmitting…….
May your noses always be cold and wet.
Well… as it turns out I won’t be coming to the mainland after all. My friend Akram showed up in a van to move me. It was really funny. I was eating dinner and I hear someone say, “Well, Mr. Visible!” I couldn’t believe he even found me, only one person knew where I was and that was not the person at the house where I was doing the renovations but… there he was. It was one of those Stanley and Livingston moments.
It turns out that he has a house in a very beautiful tropical place and at least for the next 6 months I will be there. It makes more sense to do this, given that the next 6 months seem very uncertain in a global sense. Two days before he arrived, a voice in my head asked me where I would really like to go and so I mentioned an island chain in the southern hemisphere; not a place I have mentioned or considered before and it turns out that this island is only about 180 K from that island chain.
So… I thought I was going to be having some good luck now. I felt like it might be due, given that I haven’t had much of anything resembling good luck recently. Now… I know there are people that suggest that one of the reasons I have a hard time is because I am going the wrong way, or working for the wrong entities or just doing the wrong things but I know, for a fact, that memorable souls with far more virtue and integrity than I have often been put through the mill repeatedly. Milarepa comes to mind as do many another and whether it’s a cup of Hemlock or getting nailed to a cross, better men and more profound minds than my own have had a generous share of cosmic grief.
Sometimes I hate full disclosure because it gives fuel to my enemies (and I have some) and I sometimes can’t see the upside to it but I am committed to it so here goes. There was a reason I never mentioned Joachim Kropp before. He’s the guy who owns the building I was doing the restoration in. He used to own a company called Cyncrotec, which he sold to someone and they still run it in the first building on the property. He lives in the second and I was refurbishing the third.
When I first got there he was all gung ho about getting the place together and we got a lot done. Then his enthusiasm flagged and he started making excuses for why he couldn’t help. What he did was sit at his computer all day and then sort of frown in mild annoyance when I came in to use the bathroom. Finally I stopped going there to use the bathroom because of the vibes, which he said wasn’t happening but which was happening. I started going into the woods. For the one I just went on a tree or something and for the second I dug a hole.
We were gearing up to finish the ceiling as it looked like he might be able to break away from his web searching fixation but then he came and said, “Something has come up and I can’t do anymore here for some number of weeks and this and that can’t happen either. I’m thinking about how we are coming on to the doorstep of Fall and this place is just not where it needs to be. Also, he refused to put in the bathroom or the kitchen because he said his real love was working with wood and even though I bought a toilet and a sink, a shower plate with various options and some number of things in the hope that he might at least install the toilet, he did not. It would have taken a couple of hours tops to get it done and that is something I haven’t done before and I wasn’t motivated to start experimenting. So… I spent two and a half months without a toilet or a kitchen, living on sandwiches and pissing in the woods.
It started raining a lot and I was not excited about getting dressed whenever I had to go at night, climb down from the loft and head off for where I could take a leak so… I kept a couple of bottles around and started pissing in them and capping them afterward.
When he told me he couldn’t help for a particular length of time, I remember standing there for a bit after he left and then looking upward and crying out, “Lord! Get me out of this place!” The next morning as I was climbing down the loft ladder, I fell and broke my hip. I also smashed my face so, by the end of the day, one side of my face was black; the whole side. Usually Joachim is around so I crawled over to the computer area and would cry out for help, hoping I would be heard at some point. I found my cellphone and it said it was going to shut down because of the battery. For some reason, on this day, Joachim was away the whole day until evening so I just suffered through it. After many a failed effort, I managed to climb to my knees and send him an email. Finally he showed up. I asked him for a bottle of wine to help deaden the pain. He got it for me.
An ambulance came and took me away. Two days later I had surgery and my hip was replaced. A couple of days later he came to visit and brought me some clothes. All seemed well. I asked him to bring me my cellphone, my laptop and my Goldtouch keyboard. A couple of days later he comes again and we are talking about some things and then he says, “Can we talk about the future now?” I said, “Sure.” He said, “I want you to go. You have been pissing in bottles and that is unacceptable, also, your cellphone is dirty, there are things stuck in your keyboard and your laptop screen is smeared. This is too much!” He was basically screaming and working himself into a rage. “the whole place up there is a mess!” Well, he’d been in and out of there regularly and never a word was said about that. I kept it as neat as I could but it is a construction zone. In the process of sealing the concrete and painting the floor I had had to move everything up there a dozen or more times but everything was carefully stacked.
I couldn’t make head or tails about where he was coming from. Then he started in on the garbage which I had in a sealed bag in the garbage container. He didn’t like the quality of my garbage. I don’t know if it was the empty tuna cans or just the debris I swept up after doing one kind of work or another. I was thinking, this is what comes from asking the ineffable to get me out of there. I said, what about all the building supplies I bought? He said, “I will cover your expenses, I’m not a thief!” I thought, ‘okay’, all I will be out is my time spent working there.
They send me back from rehab and I’m getting around pretty good. I go up into the renovation zone and see that he has torn down everything I had set up. Somehow he had destroyed my external hard drive in the process and the place really was a mess now. He had informed me earlier that he had cleaned the place up. I couldn’t believe it. There was no rhyme or reason to any of it. I decide to go and stay in a pension while I packed my things. I finally got it all packed up and that evening Akram showed up. The next day I got all of my receipts together and then I took them to him. I told him that he had a couple of the bigger receipts for about 700 euro. He said, “I don’t know about that.” The next day Akram and I go to see him and he comes out and says, “I’m not paying for this and I’m not paying for that.” Then he points out the 1100 Euro bill for the ceiling pine and says, “This is not a real receipt. You have to get a real receipt. I can only give you 50% on a receipt like this.”
I had to laugh. I went to a friend of his, Ton, who owns the guesthouse I have stayed in a couple of times in the past and he can’t believe what has happened. Neither can Angelique who delivered the wood. No one seems to be able to figure out why he would toss me for pissing in bottles, which is a common thing for many when that convenience is necessary. Neither the bottles nor the trash bag would have been there had I not fallen but that’s all meaningless. He’d been up there many times and none of it bothered him then. It is yet one more crazy and inexplicable thing that has happened to me; no doubt because I am going the wrong way or working for the wrong forces (grin).
I have steeled my mind against recrimination and revenge. This morning we will go and load up the vehicles and put this place in the rear view mirror.
It has been my opinion that the people in this country are the most honest people on the planet, according to my experience but… apparently… not all of them.
He can’t cook very well so his 3 daughters (when they are with him) mostly subsist on cheese sandwiches and salad. I am a cook so I would prepare meals for them once or twice a week; lasagna, burritos and various types of cuisine from different countries. His daughters loved it and sang praises for the food. After a few weeks of this happening I wasn’t cooking anymore dinners. It seems he didn’t like his daughters getting that amount of enjoyment from the food.
One of the first things he says to anyone when they come around and which he said to Akram when Akram showed up looking for me is… “I help people. People come to me with their problems and I help them. I can see into their needs and I provide them with answers. This is what I do.” I don’t know how true that is one way or another because I never saw anyone come around looking for answers but people did visit me and they did mention my impact on their lives and how many people enjoy my work. He doesn’t like to hear this kind of thing and you could see how much it annoyed him that people would come around and talk about me.
He told me he wanted to form a spiritual community. I don’t know how he’s going to do this because he is a major control freak and unless you do things exactly the way he wants them; any departure from what is acceptable becomes unacceptable. What he wants is a community of people who come to him for solutions to their problems. I assume though that it wouldn’t be all that long before he became their major problem.
Portions of this were on my mind when I wrote that last Origami and over the time that I was at this place I could see the steady decline in Joachim’s commitment to the project and noted the, by now, routine fabricated emergencies that kept coming up whenever it was that he was supposed to show up. I saw his real face emerging too. I considered writing about it but I’ve learned a few things in recent years after all the things I’ve been through and one of them is to remain optimistic and hopeful, bide my time and hold out for the possibility of change. In former times I was often quick to judge and not infrequently wrong as a result. Before I cried out to the ineffable to get me out of there, two days before, I told Joachim that I didn’t think I could stay anymore because it was getting to be a big drag without a bathroom or kitchen. I was quite emotional about it, as well as dejected, It must have been fairly powerful because at the end he was crying too and he said he would try to do better, especially with his attitude. He described the reasons for it being that it wasn’t what it seemed but he could see why it looked that way; probably because it is what it seems.
I’ve talked with astrologers and a good half dozen have done my progressed chart at one time or another but I never got any indication of all this heavy water that has been flowing by and with such consistency that you can set your watch to it.
I don’t know why I am encountering the things that I do. I do not believe it is because I am a bad person, going the wrong way or following the wrong teachings. I believe it has to do with necessary teaching moments for me and you. As I look back over some of the unfortunate moments of recent years I can say that, earlier on, there were times when I could have handled my end of things better but… in the last two, which would be India and now this, I haven’t got any reason to blame myself. I did my best and especially in this most recent misadventure, I went all out, seeking to operate on the highest level I was capable of. Maybe I’ll write a song like that Jim Croce tune, something like, “If I could put piss in a bottle”
Joachim keeps grinning like a cat, laughing at and mocking us, or sneering imperiously when either I or Akram attempt to reason with him. How it is that people who profess to a high level of integrity and honesty (which he does) can be so blind to their obvious crimes and can excuse themselves with so little effort… it’s just difficult for me to comprehend. I wouldn’t be able to do that and I would hear about it big time, within. I’m not allowed to do a lot of things and I’m happy about that. Some people are simply absent a conscience or they have bound it up in duct tape and stuffed it in a closet. I’ve met a few people like this in recent years.
Oh well, onward and upward.
Lyrics (pops up)
Visible’s Self-Improvement Guide,
- ‘An Exploration Toward the Ineffable’